Watching a playmate practically vibrating with anticipation is delicious. The fear and desire radiates off them, paralyzing them at times. Some may be resistant, clinging to the momentary paralysis of anticipation to grasp at any last shred of control they may have before I speak my first order. Experienced players try on masks to cope with the fear, often embracing it, diving deep into an ecstatic state of mind, created by sensation and flavored by a cocktail of emotions with fear and desire at its base.
Fear of the unknown, the inevitable, of giving up control. You may be frightened of what may happen to you, how you may feel, that you might hurt, that you might like it. Afraid to want more… But you need your heart in your mouth skipping a beat to remind you that you that you are present, feeling and real. You need to experience detachment and visceral union with every particle of your own being at once, your nerves singing with the thrill of it. Some tour haunted houses, some of us jump out of airplanes, others take risks to save life and limb, and others give their bodies, desires and vulnerabilities to another, to tease out and unravel with you like a ball of yarn.
When you face these fears, place them in the hands of an instructor or dominant, you also learn from yourself. You take a transformative journey, new every time no matter how many times you jump or have been pushed to the edge by your Mistress. The part of yourself that would hold you back dies again, while another part of you that knows you are still alive and better for it, is reborn. You come out of this journey reaffirming your strength, and centering yourself comfortably back into your place in the world armed to face your days in the mundane.