I have not always identified as a Dominant, though these days it is my most comfortable role. Growing up, and developing sexually in a straight-laced LDS environment left me with some proclivities and desires I was hard pressed to define, and explain to lovers, or even myself in my teens and early adulthood because I simply didn’t have the words. I had a desire to be bound, a desire to put myself in the hands of someone capable, and let them send me on a journey with my senses.

 

Of course then, when I had no words to describe these feelings, I couldn’t have conveyed how I felt in as many words. All I knew was I wanted to be bound, but it wasn’t just being bound. I also wanted to experiment with senses, and receive the same control I desired to give. Blur the lines of pain and pleasure, fear, excitement, humiliation, and arousal. I experimented with a few lovers, who were hesitant to fulfill my untamed requests. Having as little knowledge as I, or less, of this sort of play, left them anxious and unsure, so many of my desires went unfulfilled. I eventually found an outlet online, but tired of typing out fantasies instead of acting on them.
When I first came to the Pacific Northwest I became friends with a very kinky woman who asked  me “Are you kinky?”  I responded by stating I was unsure, “Maybe”. Later that day we played together for the first time, but without much pain. By this time I had acquainted myself with some scant information about BDSM and kink. I wasn’t sure if I could call myself kinky since I had done so little in the realm of BDSM. My idea of kink was whips, spanking, ropes, heavy rubber, and chains, addressing your partner with impersonal honorifics and lots of sex. I viewed BDSM as a sort of elaborate foreplay.
My first encounter with pain, the pain that would make me cry out and then giggle, was with another partner my kinky girlfriend played with. Playing with him was my first encounter with canes. I progressed from canes to single tail whippings, many bare handed spankings, and paddlings. I fell in love with rope bondage and eventually suspension bondage. I became especially interested in exploring the various head-spaces I could go into when bottoming, some cathartic and sometimes nothing short of psychedelic, play being a feast for my senses and vivid imagination. I began modelling off and on with local fetish porn producers doing bondage, suspension and impact scenes, not only for work but access to equipment that wasn’t always available to me when I played within my social circle.
I was having quite a bit of fun taking on a submissive role, and growing in my skills as a bottom, but I wanted to be in charge too. I wanted to develop skills in all the activities I enjoyed having done to me, as well as facilitate the same self-expanding journeys I experienced. I wanted the same power I gave, so I began playing with men with submissive inclinations and poured over books, web courses, and workshop notes. Through these partners and my intensive study, I developed a love for dishing out a spanking and roleplaying. Soon I ventured into single tail whipping, flogging, CBT and other delights. This evolved into a desire for a dungeon of my own and going beyond simply modelling into professional domination. I opened my dungeon in 2012 when I moved to Washington and made many memorable connections through my clientele and learned so much more about the personal nature of BDSM practice than I thought I ever would. I expect over the years my kinks will continue to shift and evolve as I grow my relationships and skills.
My view of BDSM has changed since the day I was asked if I was kinky. I no longer view it as just another way to extend foreplay, but also as a way to simply play and learn about ourselves and each other. BDSM has become another way to enjoy and strengthen the bonds I make with my partners. It provides me with skills to refine, and a consensual outlet for my darker urges to overpower and be overcome. It lets me step away from the myriad assumptions we make every day, to blend in and enjoy societal acceptance to explore the parts of ourselves we keep tucked away from the outside world. My dungeon is closed for now, but I am still here, learning and sharing my knowledge and experiences.

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